Eyeball Explosion - August 2005

Since the writing of the entry "Mother on Facebook Causes Irresponsible Behavior to End", there have been several inquiries about my retina situation. Instead of telling the entire story again, I thought I'd just post the mass email that I sent out the week following the eyeball explosion. (Note: The term "eyeball explosion" comes from the inter-office email that one of the receptionists sent out to the staff informing them why I would be out of the office. This was the term she used, and what can I say? It stuck.) For those of you who have been long-time recipients of my email updates, please don't feel obligated to continue reading. For others, I take you back to Logan, Utah, summer of 2005. . .

From: Stephanie Amber Tesch
Sent: Sunday, August 21, 2005 8:19 PM

Subject: Eyeball Explosion

Arrrr! Sorry for the mass email, but it is truly the most efficient way of disseminating information. Last week, I had an unfortunate eyeball incident. The short story is this: I experienced a retinal hemorrhage on Tuesday of last week and this was followed by an emergency surgery to put a gas bubble in my eye to create pressure on my retina. I had to lay face down for three days, which was quite unpleasant, but I persevered. I can walk around now, which is good. My buddy Katie has graciously sewn me a pirate patch which is quite fabulous. The gas bubble will be absorbed in about three weeks and at that time I can start to get an idea of how much of my vision I will get back. It won't ever be as good as before, but such is life. I would like to take a moment to address a few questions that have frequently been asked regarding my situation:

1. No, my eye will not "turn into" a "lazy", "googily", "wandering", or "crazy" eye.

2. At this point, eating carrots will not help my eye. I am past the point of preventative medicine.

3. I do not think that "showing a little leg" will distract anyone from looking at my bloody eyeball.

4. Marijuana is for glaucoma, NOT a retinal hemorrhage. I do not need you to "hook me up".

I want to thank everyone who has been so supportive over the past few days and who has and will continue to help me out with food, transportation, and companionship.

With love, Stephanie Amber, the one-eyed Pirate

This photo is from Jimbo and Kate's Wedding party, about two weeks post-eyeball explosion. At the time that this photo was taken, pretty much all I could see was a bunch of black, lava lamp-esque orbs floating all over the place. Understandably, you may be thinking to yourself, "She was heinously visually impaired. Why was she smiling?" Well, this was one of the few times that I attended a party at Jimbo's house in which the toilet was enclosed in a room with walls and a door. Who cared about busted up retinas when you can enjoy peeing at a party in privacy?!